You took my heart, and created splinters out of flowers so no hands could ever hold my heart without being stabbed.
You took the salts from my body with every tear I shed, took happiness and made it live for only you, and then you ripped my self confidence right from my palms.
But I’m taking back my effort.
I’m taking back the nights I stayed up late just to make you the perfect card. I’m taking back the time and care I put into buying you the perfect thank-you gift, and making sure everything I gave to you was peanut free. I’m taking back my laughter, because I will always know how to laugh without you. I’m taking back the times I went out of my way to make things easier for you. I’m taking back the hours I worked so you wouldn’t have to pay for your prom tickets; even if that meant picking cigarette butts out of flower pots. I’m taking back the times I stayed awake just to talk to you, because you were more important than sleep. I’m taking back the time I spent telling myself I wasn’t pretty enough. I’m taking back all the denied invitations and every moment I spent missing you. I’m taking back every important thing I ever told you about myself, and I’m taking back the thought that you stopped caring for me because you didn’t like drunk me.
You took so much of me that you never even wanted in the first place, and I suppose that’s why seeing you with a bleach-haired barbie puts a fist through my heart. You can have my broken heart, but I’m taking back my unreciprocated effort. When I was dreaming about telling you I loved you, you were admiring every girl but me. If you were here you might argue that you did reciprocate effort. You might say that you were the only thing keeping my legs upright when I had too much to drink. You were the one picking me up out of the ditch over and over again. You rubbed my back and comforted me. You took care of a girl who could not take care of herself, when you could have been experiencing much better things. And if you were here right now, I would say you’re right. I would say thank you, because I know how much effort you put into caring for me, but I know that you would never do it again. I would do it for you in a heartbeat. I would do just about anything for you, so don’t tell me your effort is equal to mine. I would have gone on a hike with you even if I hated hiking. I would have danced with you to every slow song despite how tired I might have been. You distanced yourself and took my self-esteem with you.
You took my ability to care for any other boy the way I care for you, and I don’t forgive you yet. You can have every piece of me,
but I’m taking back my effort.
A Step In My Shoes 